Happy Fathers’ Day to all for whom that greeting applies! I wanted to follow up on yesterday’s post by adding a couple more leadership lessons I learned from my dad. These were lessons I didn’t learn directly from my him, but rather because he was my dad. The first of these lessons came when I was in fifth grade. I was walking across a parking lot near Punxsutawney, PA after a guitar lesson. I had my guitar in my hand, and was focused on getting back to the family car where my mom was waiting. As I walked, a man who looked to be about the age my dad was at the time said, “Son, are you Clyde Marshall’s boy?”
I said, “Yes, sir. I am. Why?”
He said, “I knew it. I could tell not only because of your facial features, but also because of the way you carry yourself. Your dad is a fine man, and I’m sure you’ll grow up to be like him.” I remember those words all these years later for two reasons: First, I realized that while I didn’t always experience my dad as a “fine man” others often did. Whether they knew him for his diligence at work, for his prowess as a baseball player and boxer, or his ability to tear down and rebuild a car engine, they saw my dad as someone who did what he did well. They also saw him as a man of his word. The second thing I realized was I was already a reflection of my dad. I knew that I had either inherited or learned his tendency toward anger, but apparently I was already exhibiting some of his purposefulness even in the way I walked across a parking lot. I realized that how I lived would one day reflect on my dad, too. My dad had built a “name” for himself. The Marshall name was held in honor by many who knew him, because of him. That mantle would soon fall to me. My actions would add to the measure of the Marshall name either positively or negatively depending on how I lived. That has been an important reminder to me over my life. I haven’t always lived up to the challenge, but my goal has been to reflect the good qualities of my dad, and to change the ones that weren’t so good, so others would think positively when they heard the Marshall name.
The second lesson, which I learned more through reflection than through life experience with my dad is that we can always learn from another person whether he sets a good example worthy of following, or a bad example to be avoided. I never thought about this fully until it was brought to my attention by a pastor named Arthur Pace, for whom I served as a student pastor in my first year of seminary. Arthur pointed out that during my year of serving with him, he would do many good things, and if I learned from them I would become a more effective pastor as a result. Then he said, “I will also do many things wrong. In those moments if you discount me as a leader, you will lose the opportunity to learn form those negative lessons, and you may repeat them yourself.” Over the years I have returned to Arthur’s admonition time and time again, and have done so specifically when it comes to what I learned from my dad.
We’re all mixtures of good and bad. The Apostle Paul helped us to see that clearly in Galatians 5:17 and following when he reminded us that even after we trust Jesus as Savior and Lord and are born again, we continue to live in a battle between the Holy Spirit–God’s presence in us–and our old natures, or what Paul called the “flesh.” How wonderful it would be if we would simply lose our old natures once Jesus became Savior and Lord in our lives, but we don’t. We have the power of God in us to do good and reject evil, but we also have the vestiges of that evil in us and we can will to do it. I saw my dad struggle with his weaknesses all his life without the benefit of being a follower of Jesus until nearly the end of his life. He often succeeded, and he often failed. What I learned from that is I needed a lot of help if I was ever going to overcome the anger that came so naturally to him and to me. For decades after trusting Jesus as Savior and Lord, I continued to let the old nature win all too often in many areas, but particularly in the area of anger. I have many struggles still, but what I learned from my dad was that trying hard wasn’t enough.
The human will is an incredible thing. The Bible would call it our soul, because the soul is the seat of the mind, emotions, and will. My dad’s soul struggle was evident quite often. What I learned from reflecting on his struggle was that I needed Jesus. I knew HE needed Jesus, but when I saw the bad traits he exhibited also being part of me, I knew that I couldn’t will myself out of them. I learned from him just how much I needed Jesus. I also learned that from myself!
As you go about your daily life, what positives and negatives do you remember or still see in your dad from which you can learn? Lifelong leadership requires lifelong learning and a key part of lifelong learning is reflecting on our experiences–not getting mired down in them–but reflecting on them, praying through them and gleaning the positive or negative example that we can either emulate or eliminate in order to become the man or woman that God created us to be. I’m grateful for all the ways my dad showed me how to be a better man, and for Arthur Pace’s reminder that sometimes he was doing it by not being all that great of a man at the moment. Even then there were lessons to be learned, if I was open to learning them.
Here’s to leading better by reflecting on your dad’s impact, and the lessons you learned from him–today!