As we conclude our focus on accountability, I wanted to remind everyone that overtime your accountability partnership will change. That’s true with all human relationships, since living things grow–or die when they aren’t nurtured. I don’t know of anyone who has had the same accountability partner for more than twenty years, as I have, but what I do know is that once you get to know each other, and get to trust each other the relationship changes. That’s a wonderful thing, because since healthy things grow and growing things change, the change is a sign of growth!
For Bill and I the first major change was that we went from a clear, defined structure to a more informal one. As I noted earlier in the week, when we first started we used specific books to give our time together structure. We found that over time we didn’t need that. Neither of us are detail-oriented men, so we have found over time that we don’t need the formality of a workbook, or even a weekly Bible study to keep us on track. Personality does play into this, if you and your accountability partner are more detail-oriented you may always want some type of specific format to ensure that your accountability relationship doesn’t turn into just a time of getting together as friends–unless you want it to change into that.
In addition to the change in the format or style of your relationship, over time as trust develops you will find yourself going to your accountability partner with both victories and defeats more easily. Particularly if you are a follower of Jesus, you may find it hard to “celebrate the wins,” as Bill and I call it, because it can seem like you are bragging. In addition, if you know that both you and your accountability partner have been struggling in an area, to say that you’ve had a victory can seem like you are rubbing it in his face. Bill and I have learned to rejoice with each other when we have a win, and in fact Bill’s win is mine and my win is his. You’ll know your accountability relationship has grown significantly when you get to this point.
Another change for us has been that at first we were careful to make sure that each of us had our “fair share” of the sharing time. Now there are days when nearly the entire agenda is Bill, and others when it is me. The reason for that is there are weeks when Bill’s plate has been particularly full, or he has experience a major victory or defeat and needs to talk about it and so do I. If there’s a week when we both need to go through more than the usual amount of stuff, we’ll extend our time. While we meet at a time that is before a mutual commitment so we really can’t go over, we have followed up with a phone call, or stayed late after our commitment.
Finally, the prayer component of our relationship used to be as formal as everything else. While there’s still a formal component to it, in that we always pray at the end of our time together, sometimes that prayer is not together. We commit to praying each other on our way home–and we do. We also pray for each other through the week. When we know the other is having a particularly challenging time, or an important appointment or event, we’ll send a text that simply says, “Praying.” or “Praying for you.”
I pray that you have taken this series of posts seriously, and have either committed to finding an accountability partner and developing an accountability relationship, or that you have committed to deepening your accountability partnership as a result. I remember John Maxwell saying, “Those who think it’s lonely at the top don’t truly understand leadership.” What a powerful statement. Leadership is not intended to be lived out in isolation. While every leader finds it necessary at times to make isolated decisions, or to lead in areas that are unpopular to the group being led, no leader has to lead alone. That is a conscious, and sometimes unconscious choice leaders make. I encourage you to go through your leadership life with at least one person challenging you and encouraging you as you go–your accountability partner.
Here’s to leading better, by leading with the partnership of an accountability relationship–today or as soon as you can!