Going First!

It’s often been said that leaders are simply those who go first. I saw hundreds, if not thousands, of examples of that at the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown over the weekend. For example, when baseball was invented no one wore a glove to catch the ball. It was considered “unmanly” to even consider wearing something on one’s hands when catching the ball. Over time someone decided to where fingerless gloves to pad the palms of both hands, while not limiting the dexterity required to throw the ball after it was caught. This was the first of many leadership innovations regarding the equipment used to play the game. As we know, gloves have evolved a great deal since those days when it was unmanly to wear any kind of glove. Now, we have catchers mitts, and first baseman’s gloves, as well as individualized gloves for infielders and outfielders.

Each of those innovations required someone to go first. That player was undoubtedly laughed at and ridiculed for being soft, or for cheating, or for any number of infractions of the purity or intention of the game. Yet, as with all lasting leadership innovations, over time people came to recognize that different wasn’t wrong, or ridiculous, but in the particular case in question it was better. Imagine the first catcher who put on a chest protector, or the first outfielder who put cleats or spikes in his shoes to get better traction. You can hear the shouts of “Cheater!” or “Look at that idiot!” And yet, eventually all baseball players were wearing cleats and every catcher wears a chest protector.

Whatever your field of leadership, you will find yourself in the position of needing to go first at times. It will take courage. It may take innovation. Sometimes you will be ridiculed for jumping on the bandwagon with others who are using an innovation that few have yet adopted. Relatively few leaders are true innovators, but nearly every leader has been an “early adopter” at times. That means we have seen an innovation for what it is: an improvement to an old process, system, or tool of our trade. When personal computers came out in the early 1980’s, I saw at once that such a tool could revolutionize the way I prepared papers or sermons or anything I wrote. That’s no different than a baseball player recognizing that a webbed glove would do a better job of catching a baseball than a fingerless glove that covered just the palm, or a five fingered glove that provided protection for the fingers, but no good place for the ball to rest.

Thirty-seven years ago, I needed a new softball glove. I had switched from baseball to modified pitch softball, and my old glove was worn and it’s web was designed for the smaller baseball, rather than the much larger softball. I went to a sporting goods store and discovered that a new glove was on display. It was a softball glove and it had a “super monster” web designed specifically for use with softballs. The glove was fully one-third larger than my old glove. The price tag on the glove was $50, which was a high price to pay for any kind of glove in 1979. My brother Tom was with me and he knew the owner. He told the man I had just been married and I didn’t have that much money. Then he said, “Why don’t you sell it to him for $25?”

The guy responded, “That wouldn’t even cover my cost. I’d have to get at least $35.”

I said, “I’ll take it.” I had been a better than average center fielder before wearing that glove. Now, I could get to balls a few inches farther away than before, and with that “bushel basket” far more of them stayed in my glove than ever before. As you would expect, some of my teammates laughed at me when they saw the size of the glove. They told me I was cheating. The interesting thing is within the next season or two everyone was wearing gloves like that. I led the way on our team, because I’ve always been an early adopter. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than a couple original ideas, but I’ve been willing to step out and go “first” when it comes to adopting new equipment, ideas, and strategies when I could see they were an improvement. (I took good care of that glove, and used it for 34 years, before “retiring” from playing a few years ago. I still have the glove, and could use it if I came out of retirement. While this is a post for another day, it showed me that sometimes it’s better to pay more up front for a better product that will last, than to buy the “bargain,” and end up replacing it regularly.)

So where do you need to go first today? Is it in buying a household item, or tool for your work? Is it in implementing a new idea that you’ve been reading about for a while that seems to be helping others in your field excel in their efforts? Remember, sometimes you’ll go first and find out that you were wrong. That’s the topic of tomorrow’s post. What do you do then? (Spoiler alert: Be the first one to recognize you made a mistake and abandon the new way until you find a better one.) Whatever it is that you need to do differently in order to demonstrate your leadership, remember that baseball was once played without gloves. Thankfully, someone decided to go first and change that!

Here’s to leading better by going first–today!

Hall of Famers Got There With Help!

Sorry for the tardiness of today’s post. I have a good reason: I’m just coming back from the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York, where I’ve spent the weekend with my brother, Kenn, and his son, Matt. We arrived on Friday, and didn’t start home until noon today. We enjoyed all of the festivities associated with the induction of Ken Griffey, Jr. and Mike Piazza to the hall of fame over the weekend. This isn’t exactly a “bucket list” item for me, but more of a lifelong desire fulfilled, and I enjoyed it as much as I pictured it in years gone by.

The main leadership lesson I learned from baseball’s newest hall of famers is: No one gets to the Hall of Fame without a lot of help. Both Griffey and Piazza shared a plethora of names who helped them get to the podium in Cooperstown during their acceptance speeches. As you might expect, both had a great deal of praise for their parents, who pushed them to follow their dreams and do their best. They mentioned high school coaches, and minor league coaches and instructors who helped them developed their skills. They pointed to teammates and managers in the big leagues, and even mentors who had made it to the hall of fame before them.

As I sat with nearly 50,000 others in the hot sun listening to Griffey and Piazza thank many of those who were responsible for their success, I reflected on the many people who have helped me become who I am. In addition to those Griffey and Piazza mentioned, I would add mentors who I’ve only met through the books they’ve written or the videos in which they’ve appeared. Many of my mentors are long dead to this life, and many others I’ve never had the opportunity to meet even though they have poured much into my life through their written or recorded thoughts, ideas, plans, and instructions.

Every person who ever achieves anything of lasting value does so with help. No man (or woman) is an island. God created us for relationship, and as we interact with one another in our families, at work or school, or in community and recreational activities, some around us make major contributions to who we are, who we become, and the legacy we will leave when we have died. As I walked through the three floors of the baseball hall of fame, and saw the artifacts of nearly 150 years of baseball, I realized that some of those enshrined in the hall played the game as well or better than anyone else. Others invested their time and money into making the game America’s pastime. Certainly, they saw the profit it would bring them, but they believed the game would be a positive use of people’s time, a productive way to invest an afternoon. Still others were the rule makers and enforcers. While others were innovators. Baseball is truly a microcosm of life in these ways. It also shows us that while not everyone will end up a hall of famer, (statistically the number of those who play in the major leagues who will end up as one is about 1%), we can all be leaders as we work together, and use the God-given gifts, passions, abilities, personalities, and experiences of our lives to pave the way for others who will follow us, or to help others achieve their life goals.

No one knows whether he or she will stand on a podium one day at the end of a career receiving the accolades of the fans of his or her field of endeavor. What we can know for sure is that if any of us find ourselves in that situation, we won’t have attained that pinnacle without a great deal of help from those around us. May we be encouragers, mentors, and leaders who help others attain their life’s purpose. In doing so we will go a long way in attaining our own.

Here’s to leading better by helping others along the way–today!

Influence and Influenza!

In a recent blog post Michael Hyatt noted the five qualities of great leaders. They all started with the letter “i.” The qualities are insight, initiative, influence, impact and integrity. The post is excellent, making important points about each of the qualities. The one that jumped out at me, though, is that Hyatt noted the words Influence and Influenza both come from the same root! I had never made that connection before. Influence and influenza are both contagious, the one to our benefit the other to our detriment. Our influence as leaders is intended to spread to others, those in our immediate spheres of influence first, and then to ever expanding spheres of influence. At least if our goal is to be leaders of leaders.

While the “flu” is indiscriminate in its spread, moving from one host to another by virtue of contact, influence isn’t nearly as spontaneous. In order to influence others, particularly in order to influence them for their good we must be intentional, and we must live out all the other qualities of leaders that Hyatt identifies. As we mature as leaders, we eventually become aware that our lives matter and that our influence must be directed where it will matter the most. The flu may attack anyone in its path, but we must not take that approach as leaders. One of the most important truths I have discovered in practice over the past five years is that I have the same amount of time in a day, week, month, or year, but I must invest that time radically differently if I am to be a leader of leaders. I must invest more time in less people in order to influence more people.

Let me say that again: I must invest more time in less people in order to influence more people. At one point, my goal was simply to share the truth of Jesus Christ in His love with as many people as possible, and to help as many people as possible to come to trust Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord. As they did, I would help them grow in their faith, so they would influence other people to trust Jesus as Savior and Lord. That’s a great goal, but it’s thinking of influence more or less like influenza, rather than as a leader who wants to make the maximum, possible impact. For example, at one point in New Life’s history, I wore a lot of hats. I did a lot of the pastoral care, worship, discipleship and even a fair amount of personnel development. While my primary task was to have the insight needed to see what was most important for the big picture future of New Life, I was often caught up in the details of everything else.

Over time as we have seen God bring more and more people to New Life, and as we have helped them trust Jesus as Savior and Lord and grow up in Him, we have been able to add staff members who have skills in specific areas such as pastoral care, worship, discipleship and so on. We have made it clear since the beginning of New Life that each of us must equip leaders in our areas to develop others, but while the clarity of the task was never in doubt, I often did too much of the ministry “in the trenches,” and didn’t invest enough time in equipping and developing leaders. I also didn’t invest as much time as I needed in equipping myself, and gaining new learning from others so I could be the best equipper of leaders I can be. All of this stems from my understanding of influence. The question becomes: Am I going to influence a handful of people who will influence a handful of people, who will influence…., which means that over time we can influence a tremendous number of people, or am I going to try to “infect” everyone myself? That answer to that question determines the ultimate extent of my influence–and yours.

If you want to be a “hands on” leader–and we all start out as hands on leaders if we care about people–you will never influence as many people as you could if you determined to be a leader of leaders. The choice is always ours, and the truth is we must always be willing to be hands on in a particular moment, but we must always remember that in order to influence the most people we can, we must change the focus of our influence. It must become intentional and concentrated to make the most difference over the long haul. I hope all of us are in leadership for the long haul!

Here’s to leading better by investing our influence in fewer people (leaders) who will invest their influence in far more than we ever could on our own–today and tomorrow!

Leaders and PED’s

With the Olympics starting in a couple of weeks, and the ongoing emphasis on sports’ stars who use PEDs-Performance Enhancing Drugs, I thought I’d offer a lighter post about leaders and PED’s. To my knowledge the most commonly used PED’s among America’s leaders is caffeine. Perhaps, I’m supersensitive to the substance at the moment, because I’ve decided to rid myself of it yet again. I’m experiencing the massive headache that always comes when I put myself through withdrawal from it. That after a night of not being able to sleep, which is a common side effect of caffeine withdrawal. (Who would’ve figured since many use caffeine to stay awake.)

The reason I’m eliminating caffeine from my system again is ostensibly because I’ll be leaving for Cambodia in about a month for a mission trip and I don’t want to experience the withdrawal while there, if caffeine isn’t available at any of the places we travel. The likelihood of not having caffeine available in Cambodia isn’t high, since caffeine is a worldwide PED. Whether it’s found in the form of coffee, or soft drinks, or tea, or the amazingly popular energy drinks that pack caffeine and sugar in incredibly high doses, caffeine is a nearly universal substance. I’m also withdrawing from caffeine again, because I don’t want to be dependent on any external substance for my energy.

I’m not telling all of you to stop drinking coffee or to get off caffeine. I’m pointing out that when I use caffeine, or more accurately, when I am not able to use caffeine when I’m using it regularly, I feel miserable. So the question becomes: Is the solution to stop drinking caffeine or just make sure that I always have enough of it? When I put the question to myself that way it sounds a lot like I “need” caffeine to function. I don’t want to need anything external in order to function. Thus, the withdrawal from caffeine AGAIN. I don’t know how many times over the years I’ve withdrawn from caffeine before a mission trip, or during one, or because I want to take better care of my body, but I know this: I’ve withdrawn from it for weeks and even months, but then there’s always that moment when someone offers me a cup of coffee, or I’m at a restaurant and they have Dr. Pepper, and I remember how bland water tastes, and I’m back on the PED’S again.

When I told Nancy yesterday that I was withdrawing from caffeine for the LAST time, she just looked at me and laughed. She’s heard that line before. Right now, I just want to have a cup of coffee and end the pain in my neck and head. As I write those words, it sounds an awful lot like the guys I minister to at the halfway house who are seeking to overcome their reliance on alcohol and other drugs that may or may not enhance their performance. So, at least for today, I’m going to remain off the caffeine and if I make through Thursday it’ll be a matter of daily will power.

As our friend Socrates reminded us millennia ago: The unexamined life is not worth living. You may or may not use caffeine or any other PED, but if you do, I simply encourage you to ask yourself why you do, and whether there is anything to gain by not using it? As leaders we ought to set the example in all areas of our lives, and perhaps being PED free is one of those areas.

Here’s to leading better by examining our use of external substances and considering whether to ban them in our lives–today!

Ch-Ch-Changes!

One of the most important qualities of effective leaders, is the ability to address change. Change is a given in life, and the only things that don’t change are dead. While some personalities are more open to change than others, even those of us who like change, generally are more open to changes we consider positive and under our control.

I’ve decided to make a format change to my blog effective today, to see how you all do with change! It’s a minor change, but one I’ve realized is necessary if I’m going to live by my own leadership advice in the area of margin, and also provide you with quality posts over time. Not too many folks post to their blogs seven days a week, 365 days a year. I thought I was going to be one of them. The challenge is my weekends are the fullest time of the week, and Friday is supposed to be my Sabbath. That means if I’m going to have something of value to offer you in every post, I need to stop writing on the weekends, and focus on making Monday-Friday as helpful as possible for you.

I know my readership isn’t high at this moment, but believe the content will help you be and become better leaders over time. That means you’ll be receiving 25o posts per year: 5 posts each week for 50 weeks each year. We’ll rest on the weekends, and two weeks each year. I’m considering getting guest bloggers for the two weeks off each year, so you won’t come here and find nothing. Maybe some of you would consider writing a guest post once or twice a year?

Back to the importance of being able to change in order to be a great leader. Adaptability is one of the most important assets of a leader. While planning is vital, the challenge is that life tends to change our plans and change them often. I’ve been reading a great book Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy Seals LEAD and WIN. The authors make it clear than planning and execution are keys in leading and winning. They also point out that part of planning for them was to anticipate the changes that could happen to their plans. Anticipating change is the best way to lead through change. We can’t always anticipate a particular change, but we can certainly anticipate that there WILL be change.

As noted above, sometimes we see change as positive and at other times as negative. The truth is in a particular moment we can’t always know whether a change is positive or negative. I’ve noticed that many of the changes I would have called negative at the time, have actually defined me as a person. For example, one day many years ago when Kenn, my younger brother and I were at basketball practice at school, he was poked in the eye. The poke resulted in a torn cornea for Kenn. That was certainly a negative and unwelcome change at the moment. Kenn was taken to the hospital and scheduled for surgery the next day.

That night, our pastor and I visited Kenn at the hospital. Before we left, the pastor asked Kenn, “Do you mind if I pray and ask God to heal your eye?” How could you turn down a request like that?

Kenn said, “It couldn’t hurt, right?” More than right! the next morning when the doctor came in and removed the patch from Kenn’s eye to examine it before the operation, the eye was completely healed. The doctor was amazed. Kenn was happy. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t thing God was still in the healing “business.” I thought that was for long ago and far away. I went to our pastor and asked him to explain. After a couple of hours of working our way through the Book of Acts, I was convinced that my perspective of God’s activity through the Holy Spirit being a thing of the past was mistaken. I would soon find how mistaken, as God called me to ministry as an outgrowth of that new-found understanding!

Everyone would agree that Kenn having his cornea torn was a negative experience, and yet as a result of it I ended up discerning God’s call for my entire adult life. That’s amazing. Change is inevitable, and while we may think we know which changes are good for us, being prepared for them when they come, and turning to God in the midst of each one is the best way to discover how He can use any change we experience to advance His work among us.

The next time you experience change whether small or great, consider that God can use it in ways that you may not have considered. Lean into Him and let Him use the change to His glory and your blessing. As you do you will undoubtedly come to see change not only as the inevitable reality it is, but often the door to new opportunities to learn, love and lead in Jesus’ name.

Here’s to leading better by leaning into change–today!

(See you Monday!)

Life Management-Finances/Stewardship

Our final area of life management is finances/stewardship. We already mentioned this area when we talked about margin, but it bears discussing again. As many have pointed out, the Bible speaks about money more than 2,000 times, which would be enough for us to consider it fairly often. That Jesus told us money is the chief rival god in our lives to loving and serving the one, true and living God makes it all the more important for us to address. The key truth about money and every other material resource is everything belongs to God. He created it and He owns it. That’s why we speak of stewardship in the first place when we talk about money. A steward is one who is entrusted to manage another’s resources. In our case, God has entrusted us to manage His assets.

This is a hard reality for many of us to accept. After all, we work hard to earn the money and other assets we have. They sure seem as if they belong to us. When someone tells me everything is theirs and they just can’t understand how it is really God’s, I ask a simple question: Whose will it be in a 100 years? That puts it into perspective for most of us. We get to use the money and other resources we earn for the time we’re here on the planet and then someone else will use them. The Bible reminds us that even the ability to work is a gift from God, so once again we see that everything goes back to God when we look at the matter closely enough.

The key, then, if we’re stewards is to be effective ones. Particularly if we are leaders, we need to set an example in this area for others to follow. The best stewards are generous, faithful, and diligent. You might be thinking, “How does generosity come first, if we’re going to be good stewards? Wouldn’t a good steward preserve as much of the resources as possible?” That would be a good process if God intended for us to keep as much as possible in order to be faithful to Him, but His desire is that we use what He entrusts to us to advance His work in the world, and His eternal Kingdom. When we give first, which is what generous stewards do, it reminds us to hold loosely to “our” resources since they aren’t ours in the first place. After we have given the first portion of what we’ve earned or received to God’s work in the world through the church and other good causes, the Bible teaches us that we are to use the remainder faithfully and diligently to meet our own needs, to provide for our families, to provide a reasonable amount for the future, and to always look for opportunities to do good to others.

Some of us have more natural skill in the areas of diligence when it comes to money and material resources, and the Apostle Paul tells us that some of us have the spiritual gift of giving. All of us are called to faithfulness, though, regardless of our natural inclinations or our spiritual giftedness. In order to be effective stewards we must keep track of what we earn, give, save and spend. As John Maxwell has said, “If you don’t tell your money where to go, you’ll wonder where it went.” A budget or spending plan is crucial to being diligent and faithful stewards of God’s blessings, and even of being generous. After all, if we don’t keep track of how much we earn and spend, we will almost surely have nothing to save or give.

Always remember that money is a dissatisfier, that means it can never bring us satisfaction. We can certainly be dissatisfied if we don’t have enough money to meet our needs, but no amount of money or other material possessions will ever make us truly happy. The sooner we learn these lessons of faithful stewardship, the sooner we will be able to use money as a tool in our lives and our leadership. As it has been said, “Money is a great servant, but a terrible master.”

If you have misused your finances to this point, and find yourself in a great deal of debt, many effective programs are available to help you recover from that. Whether you use Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University, or Joseph Sangl’s I Was Broke, Now I’m Not, or Crown Financial Ministries, the key is to remember that God’s principles regarding money always work, whether you are follower of Jesus or not. It may take more or less time to see them impact your financial bottom line, depending on where you are when you start applying them, but being a generous, faithful and diligent steward is something every person can attain, and a reality that each of us must attain if we are going to be leaders worthy of following.

Here’s to leading better, by becoming better stewards of all that God has entrusted to us–today!

Life Management–Study

Perhaps one of my favorite areas of Life Management as a leader is study. I have always loved to learn. Whether it was trying to figure out how to put a puzzle together, how a toy worked, or reading my latest Dr. Seuss book as a child, I wanted more information, and I wanted to know what I could do with it. Perhaps that’s why as an adult I developed these formulas: Information – Application = Information, but Information + Application = Transformation! The end goal of study is not to be the best informed leader around, but to see ourselves and our teams grow and change. The Apostle Paul reminded us not to be conformed or molded to the patterns of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Therefore, if we’re going to lead we must always be gaining the transformation that comes from the renewing of our minds.

As leaders we must be intentional about the process of study, which as Rick Warren once said is reading with a notebook in hand. While reading is important, reflection is the key to turning our reading (or watching or listening) into transformation. For example, right now I’m reading the book Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy Seals Lead and Win. The book is ideally structured for study and learning, because each section contains a real-life situation from the authors’ time of serving as active duty Navy SEALs in Iraq. Then they draw a principle from the situation as well as a business application for the principle. Typically, they also offer examples from their lives as business consultants for how the principle was applied or NOT applied by businesses with whom they worked. I often use the front and back “white spaces” in books for my initial study notes as I read, noting key quotes and page numbers. Then I return to them after I’ve read the book, and transfer those notes to notes I will use for applying in my own life, teaching other leaders, or as fodder for a leadership post, or book I’m writing.

I’ve found that studying for the sake of personal growth is one of the most important quadrant II activities of my life. Many of us miss out on this opportunity because we “don’t have the time.” As with all quadrant II activities–those that are important, but not urgent–it doesn’t seem that we have the time to do them. After all, they don’t scream for our attention when we don’t. What I’ve found over the years, though, is when I don’t schedule time in my calendar to read and reflect (or watch/listen and reflect) I lose my edge as a leader. While most of the deepest and most profound leadership truths come from the Bible and are simply repeated in different ways in the books we read, podcasts we hear, and videos we watch, I find that the old adage, “repetition is the mother of learning,” to be true in my life. While I read the Bible daily and return to it often for the leadership principles that last, the other input I receive from books, podcasts and videos helps me to see everyday life applications as well.

In reading Extreme Ownership, I have been reminded of one of the most important truths of all by their statement: It isn’t what you preach. It’s what you tolerate. I’m a preacher so that statement caught my attention immediately and really hit home. It’s a succinct way of saying that we can talk all we want about principles and standards, but the behavior we accept is the level of behavior we’re going to get. We can say our company’s motto is excellence, but if we accept any effort an employee puts forward whether strong or weak, weak becomes the standard and excellence goes out the window. As we study whether in books, videos, podcasts, or by life observation, the key is to reflect so we can draw out the principles, the standards, and the repeatable processes that will make us and those we lead people of greater integrity and effectiveness across the spectrum of life management and across the spectrum of culture and behavior, whether in our families, workplaces, or whatever environment it is that we are leading at the time.

Study is a building block for every area of life management, as well as for every growing leader. Unless we are learning and growing ourselves we can’t expect our teams to be growing, because it isn’t what we preach. It’s what we tolerate! We must set the standard of lifelong study and learning AND application in order to continue to be transformed ourselves, and in order to see those around us continue to grow and develop. As Bill Hybels has often said, “The speed of the leader, the speed of the team.” Nowhere is this truer than when it comes to study and application in our lives.

Here’s to leading better, but study consistently and effectively–today and into the future!

 

Life Management–Relationships

A leader’s relationships are one of the most significant and important areas of his or her life. As you would expect, I believe the most significant and important relationship any of us have is our relationship with God through Jesus Christ in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. Since I follow Jesus that relationship must be solid and growing in order for me to lead anyone else. As that relationship is solid and growing, I become more filled with the Holy Spirit and demonstrate the “fruit” He gives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control more fully and more effectively. Those traits are vital for effective leadership. When I am impatient, or undisciplined that impacts my leadership in negative ways. When I demonstrate the nine aspects of the fruit of the Spirit, my relationships, and thus my leadership with those around me, grows more and more effective. I could say much more about that, but let that suffice for this post.

Once my relationship with God is on solid ground, I must make certain that I am on solid footing with–myself. You may not have expected me to write that, but Jesus told us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength, and our neighbors as ourselves. If you and I are going to have healthy and effective relationships with others, we must have healthy self-love. I am not talking about self-esteem, or thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought. I am talking about understanding that we are infinitely valuable to God, which makes us infinitely valuable. It means knowing that despite our hurts, hang-ups and habits that tend to derail us from living healthy and growing relationships with God and others, we are moving forward as human beings, because we know our worth. We all have our deficiencies, and that is why our relationship with God is so important: Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sins and to overcome all our deficiencies. If we do not have appropriate self-love, we will not build deep, healthy and meaningful relationships with others.

Building deep, healthy and meaningful relationship with others takes time, effort and a belief that such relationships are a major priority in our lives. While nearly everyone would say that relationships are important, building relationships is primarily a quadrant II activity, that is an activity that is important but not urgent. Yesterday, Nancy and I invested the afternoon and early evening with a couple with whom we want to build a deeper relationship. We were together for nearly seven hours. The four of us could have spent or invested those hours far differently, but because we invested them together our relationship grew significantly. All relationships need both a QUANTIFY of time and QUALITY time in order to grow. We have fostered the myth of quality time in this culture, which contends that if we spend small snippets of quality time we can foster deep, abiding, healthy relationships. The truth is quality time is a product of quantities of time. Woody Allen once said, “90% of life is just showing up.” I don’t know exactly what he meant by that, but I take it to mean that when we “keep showing up,” whether at work or in our relationships life grows and develops. Consistency and persistence are vital in developing relationships.

Another key truth about relationships is: I cannot be everyone’s best friend. Some contend that we need to be “fair” in our relationships and invest equal amounts of time with others. Jesus is our example when it comes to relationship building and “sharing” time. He invested time in thousands of people during His brief ministry, but He focused time in a 100 or so of them, devoted time to twelve “disciples”, and invested particularly in three of them. If we’re married, we need to invest more time with our spouses than with anyone else in relationship development. Many assume that if we’re in love our relationships will grow “automatically.” They don’t. Every relationship needs investments of time, love, truth, grace and more in order to grow. If we have children who are still under our influence we must invest time in them. Then come our work or school relationships, our friendships, those we have made conscience choices to mentor or receive mentorship from, and even acquaintances. We will not spend and invest the same amount of time with each, nor ought we to do so. As with all matters of life management we must decide and then make commitments in order to grow.

I would encourage you to take some time today to sit down and ask this question: Who are the most important people in my life right now? As you respond, write down their names. Then ask yourself: How much time am I investing in growing these relationships? Is it enough? How can I be intentional about growing these relationships? As you respond to these questions it may well raise more questions. After all, leading isn’t always about having all the answers, but about raising the right questions, then addressing them with increasing intentionality. The time you invest in deepening your relationships with God and others will increase your capacity for leading in ways that few other things you can do will.

Here’s to leading better by investing time in people–today!

Life Management–Physical Care

When I first developed the seven areas of life management, I decided to list physical care third, not because it is more important than relationships or study, but because it is so often disregarded by Americans, whether we’re leaders or not. Perhaps nothing is more discussed and less done than caring for our bodies through diet and exercise. When I first commented on physical care, diet and exercise were the sole focus. I have since added addictive behaviors and television viewing as part of physical care, because so many of us have challenges in those areas as well when it comes to taking care our bodies. Let’s take a look at each of those areas now.

Americans talk a great deal about exercise. In fact if we exercised as much as we talked about it, we’d all be in great physical condition. Every January  we buy gym memberships, exercise equipment and videos and some of us even start exercising as part of New Year’s resolutions to get in shape. For some, that’s as far as the physical conditioning goes. For others, we start the program, but for most it never becomes a habit. We work out for a while, and then we give up, or we get bored, or we get injured, and that’s that. We gave it a try, but that’s it.

The key when it comes to every area of physical care is to move beyond trying to training. The Apostle Paul reminded Timothy 2,000 years ago that physical TRAINING is of some benefit. Training is an ongoing, intentional process that gives us the ability to accomplish something over time that we can’t do today. Trying is making an attempt, giving it the “old college try.” An extreme example of the difference between trying and training is: if you and I decided to try to run a marathon–twenty-six miles, 385 yards–right now, most of us wouldn’t make it a mile. Some would get two, or four, or perhaps six and that would be it. But, if we would train for twenty weeks, any of us who are in average physical health could start and complete a marathon. I know, because I did that.

Over the years I have gone thorough cycles of training and then getting bored. During the cycles of training I got ready for and ran a marathon, swam a mile a day six days a week, completed P90X twice, PR0X2, and P90X3. Consistency over time is the key to training in every area of life, but particularly when it comes to exercise. Depending on our age, interests and general health, the type and amount of exercise we need will vary, but the key is to train rather than try.

When it comes to diet the challenge is to be consistent in eating what is good for us. There are many types of eating plans on the market today. Each tells us they are more “natural,” more “healthy,” and gain better results than the others. We live in a culture that can market anything to seem like it’s good for us, and one that offers INSTANT results for just about everything. There is no instant eating plan or pill that will bring us health. As with exercise, consistency over time is the key to good health in the area of physical care. At the end of the day eating well and exercising regularly contribute to good overall health and weight. I’m not a medical doctor, but I know from decades of personal experience that eating well and exercising regularly lead to the most lasting results. If you’re 50 years old or older I recommend a book titled Younger Next Year as a great practical guide for taking better care of yourself and feeling better into your sixties, seventies and eighties. It was written by a lawyer and a medical doctor who have discovered what I have said: exercise and eating well, combined with positive relationships and pursuing meaning goals contribute to better overall health.

Addictive behaviors disrupt the physical, social, emotional and spiritual arenas of many people’s lives. In particular, addition to alcohol and other drugs derails countless people’s lives. Having led a Bible study at a halfway house for those in recovery from such addictions for the past six years, I have realized that while many factors contribute to these addictions one factor is prominent: a desire to feel good in the moment. People consume alcohol and other drugs because they work–until they don’t. Whether the drug is consumed to fit in, feel good, forget pain, or because it was part of one’s upbringing, at first it does what it was intended to do. Then over time the drug takes over the physical and emotional systems of the drug taker.

While the debate about whether abstinence or moderation is the solution to such addictions, this much is sure: one cannot become addicted to a substance one never ingests into one’s body. I have found that abstinence is the better option for me, because I am an “all in” kind of personality. You may find that moderation is a viable option for you. The key is not to let alcohol or any other drug become the “solution” to your problems, because they are NOT the solution.

Finally, I list television watching as a part of physical care, because so many of us “numb out” in front of a tv set at the end of our days or at other times. Television isn’t evil any more than alcohol or food is evil. Each has its place. The challenge with television for many is that it becomes a default mode for free time. The more time we spend in front of a television set, the less time we invest in quadrant II activities: reading, prayer, exercise, relationship-building, etc… Nancy and I have found that the less time we spend watching television the more effective the other areas of our lives become. We have only had cable for a couple of years in our entire married life, because we know that the more options we have, the more likely we are to mindlessly surf through the channels to find something to watch–and not having cable helps in the area of finances, too.

Physical is so crucial to our overall well-being, because when we are physically healthy we are more likely to pursue the other six areas more effectively. I haven’t been emphasizing this area as much as I need to over the past couple of months and I ‘m feeling it in every area of my life. I know the solution is INTENTIONALITY. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” I urge you to take some time today to reflect on where you are in each of these areas of physical care and then determine what you are going to do to TRAIN to improve in each area if you need to make changes. Remember that nothing happens instantly in this area, but over several months you can establish new patterns, or reestablish healthy habits, and doing so will pay dividends for the rest of your life!

Here’s to leading better, by taking better care of yourself–today and for the rest of the days ahead!

Life Management–Prayer

If you are a follower of Jesus and you’re thinking of Life Management, you would most likely think of prayer as the first in a list of seven areas to manage. No argument from me. As I mentioned yesterday, the only reason rest came first in my list, is because unless we rest we won’t do the rest.

I’m coming off a two-day vacation I took in Ohio to celebrate my older brother Tom’s birthday. The time gave me a much needed rest after an extremely full time at New Life with the preparation for and execution of the fifteenth anniversary celebrations. On the second morning I woke up early feeling rested. That’s a great sign. As I noted yesterday when we need an alarm clock to wake up it’s a sign that we’re sleep deprived. As I was lying in bed, knowing that I was the only one in the house who was awake, my natural response was to pray.

I schedule most of my days to start in prayer, but it was good to know that when I had a “day off,” a day without a schedule my natural response was to wake up early and pray. That only happened because I was rested, and because my relationship with God has grown to the point that prayer has become my “default” mode when I have free time, or face challenges, or when I am feeling blessed and want to say, “Thank You” to God for those blessings. The point here, though, is because I started with rest, I was ready to pray.

Prayer ought to become more and more a natural part of leaders’ lives as we grow older, and as we mature. Since God created us, redeemed us and sustains us, the more aware of those realities we become, the more natural it becomes for us to pause and relate with Him. I have found over the years, that the more intentional I am about prayer, the more likely it is that even my unintentional moments will include prayer. By that I mean when I schedule prayer into my daily routine, starting the day with prayer, asking God for guidance before I start to write a weekend message, and taking time to thank Him intentionally before meals and to pray with Nancy before we go to sleep, the rest of the day is filled with natural moments–and sometimes nearly sub-conscious moments–of prayer as well.

The Apostle Paul reminded the believers in the Thessalonian church to pray without ceasing. That becomes more and more a reality as we grow in our relationship with God, in and through Jesus and the presence of the Holy Spirit. After all, every healthy relationship grows when meaningful communication is central to it.

Just a brief word about the process of prayer. One of the keys for me in growing in the area of prayer in my life has been to remember that prayer is both talking to God–which is more natural for most of us–and LISTENING to and for His responses. That part of prayer is much less likely to be natural for most of us. My tendency in a time of need, for example, is to ask God for His input, help, or power, but then to start immediately to attempt to solve the problem or overcome the obstacle myself. There’s nothing wrong with doing our part when it comes to solving the problems and overcoming the obstacles in life. God expects that. We find a clear statement of that truth in Philippians 2:12-13.

But the second half of those verses reminds us that God works within us to will and to work for His good pleasure. That’s God’s part, the part we can’t do. When we pray we must wait and listen. If we get an immediate response that’s great. When we don’t, it’s important to continue to keep ourselves open to God’s response throughout the day, week, or whatever period of time we’re going through the problem or obstacle.

Henry Blackaby made a powerful observation about the way God communicates with us in his book Experiencing God. Blackaby wrote that God communicates with us through four primary means: The Bible (His written word); through prayer as the Holy Spirit responds to our prayers; through circumstances, when we pray for a specific situation and the ensuing circumstance or circumstances in our lives lines up as a response to it; and through other believers, when someone comes to us and offers us wise advice as we’re going through a problem, or even comes to us and tells us that God has told them something that is for us.

Blackaby pointed out that each of the four means God uses to speak to us is in a descending order of probability. After all, when we read the Bible we know it’s God’s word, but sometimes when we “hear” God’s voice in prayer, it may be God, or it may be our desires speaking to us. In the same way a circumstance may simply be a circumstance and not God’s word to us. Finally, people will occasionally play the “God told me” card to get us to do what they want us to do. This can be particularly true for those of us who serve as pastors. What better way to get the pastor to agree with my position than to tell him or her that God told me my position was what He wants to have done in the church?

Making time in our lives for intentional prayer is vital to developing this area of our lives, as is the increasing process of including God in our daily conversations whether self-talk or conversations we have with others. Indeed, prayer isn’t just one area of Life Management out of seven, but rather a vital part of every growing leader’s life.

As we reminded ourselves in a recent post, the unexamined life is not worth living, so take some time right now to ask yourself what part, if any, prayer plays in your schedule and in your day? Whatever the response, remember that a life well-managed will include an increasing awareness of God’s guidance and leadership, which means an increasing intentionality and participation in prayer.

Here’s to leading better by talking and listening to God–today!